My reward.

I had a sub (not for me..finally, for a RA teacher) the other day tell me that there was a special place in Heaven for me. I quickly responded, "trust me, I am anxiously awaiting my reward". I often think, as rough as things get on Earth, its just for a brief time. My job may not be the easiest everyday, my kids may not be well behaved at all, but for some of them I am the only chance at hope they get. As I struggle through the day with them, or as rough times come and go in my daily life- I find such comfort in the fact that this is not it for me. There is so much more to come, and I am hanging on doing what I am called to with the time God gives me so that I can meet Him in my reward one day!

dehydration.

Let me preface this post with the statement that I am a sickly person. I tend to miss several school days in the winter due to the flu, strep, etc. So saying that my hubby and I knew that this pregnancy would not be easy. Around week 5 I started to have just some queasiness in the morning. Around week 7 it turned into queasiness all day long. At this point it wasn't majorly affecting my diet, but it was meaning that I ate less than I normally would. Around week 8 into 9 I started throwing up every morning and eating WAY less. Everyone just kept saying it was normal so on I went. This stayed that way until week 12 when I caught a cold. The cold felt more like the flu and kept me on the couch for a weekend. Didn't really eat Monday. Tuesday threw-up three times before I left for work. At this point, I think I have a stomach virus. Had a total breakdown Tuesday night because G left to work, and my mother-in-law had to come get me. Wednesday I laid on the couch all day and wallowed in my own misery. Thought I was better after my normal morning sick, but once I tried to eat lunch my stomach proved me wrong. At this point, it was difficult to even sit up. We called the on call doctor and he prescribed some phnigren (who really knows how to spell that) I took it expecting to sleep for hours, and I was up most of the night. Thursday I woke up in tears and G decided we were heading to the doctor. My mom came and got me, the doctor looked at me, and told me to go to the hospital. Lovely. So I came home to take a bath since we were going on like four days without one (I know, gross.) Got checked into the hospital, got my IV going after three separate attempts. They said that when you are dehydrated your veins just curl up. I started to feel immediately better with the IV. They only let me eat crackers and dry cereal so I had that for dinner, breakfast, and the next day for lunch. They weighed me and I was down about 20lbs from when I got pregnant. Down about 12 since I had been at the doctor two weeks earlier. G spent the night with me in the hospital, and it was the longest night of my life. The IV machine went off about 5 different times, G's alarm went off, my OB was doing his rounds at 4:30am...it was just unpleasant. Friday afternoon they let me go home, but I was not feeling well at all. Came home Friday and took my Zophran and my phnigren. I was asleep by 8:30 and slept until 11:30 Saturday. Woke up Saturday still in a daze, but G's mom was texting me saying she was on the way to get me. I spent all day Saturday (my 25th birthday- yay) on the couch being forced to eat and drink. By Saturday night I felt much better. Still very weak. Church on Sunday meant I needed 5 hours to recover on the couch. Today I went to work for a half day, and I am on the couch for a nap. I have a check-up at the doctor this afternoon, and hopefully everything will be fine!

Overwhelmed.

First off, headed to my first appointment at the OB today and pretty excited about that. I'll post if there is any news. I doubt there will be. Took my last shot last night- G and I did a little dance we were so excited! My butt was excited too after like 12 weeks of a shot everyday.

Second, I have a friend going in for her egg retrieval tomorrow. Just praying everything goes smoothly for her.

Third, one of my dearest friend's grandfather had a stroke yesterday and we are worried about him making a full recovery.

Fourth, a girl I went to high school with, decided to take the path of her children's lives into her own hands and end it before their time. I don't know all the details or do I really know her very well. I know how she was in elementary, but that really is not good enough to base any kind of judgment on how she is now. I know from news coverage that she hid her pregnancy from everyone, she had her twin babies home Monday night, and smothered them with her bare hands before anyone heard them. She left Tuesday for work and her dad found a baby. They police discovered another baby. Mentally stable or mentally unstable there is really no excuse for ending a life, much less one that doesn't have a fighting chance. It is heartbreaking to think about all the people that so just want to have a baby and cant. And then someone is blessed (in their eyes or not) with two babies and handles it so carelessly. I know that her family will need lots of prayers during this time, as well as her. I heard on the news that she was very upset during the investigation. Rightly so. Anyone would have taken those babies for her. She will need your prayers as she looks at a long life ahead behind bars.

Graduated from NFC!!

As of today, I am done at NFC! Next week I get to go to OB! I have LOVED the people at NFC, but I am happy to start on a somewhat normal pregnancy routine. The one thing I am definitely going to miss is the attention. I have talked to the people at NFC every other day it feels like since April. There is no telling how many trips we have made out there. It will feel weird going anywhere else!

Today, at our last appointment, we got to see our little baby! Just one little baby, twin B didn't develop and they said my body just absorbed it back in. I wonder how many people have that happen, but never get an ultrasound that early so they don't know. I am 9 weeks today, and our little baby had a good strong heartbeat! It measured 8cm at my 7 week ultrasound and 24cm today! Dr. said we are probably going to have a big baby! Our baby had little nub arms today and was moving them all around on the ultrasound. I told G that all that arm moving is probably what is making me feel sickly. The good news is, I think I am entering a better time with the nausea. I have had it since about week 4, and some of the weeks have been much worse. I still have it, but I am able to eat and function a little better than I was a few weeks ago! Thank God for that, it was no fun! I am excited for our little baby to just keep on growing!

Back to School

Well, it has been awhile since I posted because its back to school time. It never ceases to amaze me how helpless Kindergarteners are at the beginning of the year. I really wonder if some of them have ever been talked to, or ever been made to do anything. Whew! They are draining me! I have to spend my nights laying on the couch just to gather up the energy to want to go back the next day. I am hoping its just the beginning of the year and it will get better. On top of the beginning of the school year- being pregnant is almost killing me! I seriously don't know how people do it!! I know it will get better so I am anxiously waiting.

We went for our first ultrasound yesterday and it is TWINS! I am excited! We got pictures of both little babies. Twin A is growing perfectly! We heard its heartbeat and it is good and strong. Twin B is lagging behind. It measured a week behind the other baby. It had a heartbeat so I hope it can grow and catch up to Twin A. We go back in two weeks to check on the babies!

There's a baby on the way..!

Well, we are pregnant! I haven't announced it to many people because I am just now about 5 weeks, but I know there are some people following who were anxious to know the results. I got the call on my voice mail Friday afternoon. I was in an in-service all day trying to pay attention but just really didn't care! My pregnancy hormone level was 137 on Friday, which my nurse said was high. I went back Monday and today for more blood work. Monday it has rose to 731 and today 2,017! So, so far so good! As I have been going for all this blood work, I have also started back to school. Whew! Luckily, my principal is very understanding and I have only been testing so I can schedule them to come in after my doctor's appointment. I go back on August 23rd to have my first ultrasound, and see how my baby or babies are doing!!

Sleep!

Sleep, its all I do with my life. Since I have had to quit going to the gym that cut out what time I have to get up in the morning. Which meant I just started sleeping until I wanted too. Not a really good habit since school starts Wednesday. Also, since I can't really do anything anyway, I lay on the couch a lot. Got in the habit of taking a 2-3 hour nap a day. Also, not a really good habit for going back to school. But, I swear I am so dang tired. Pretty sure my shot that I take could keep me in bed forever! It makes me feel like I have never slept before. Blah! So who knows how on Wednesday I am going to get up at 5:45 and work a full day. I may die.

Bedrest

So I had to be on bed-rest yesterday after my transfer and today. I have to be laying down the whole time except to sit up and eat. So, as you can imagine, meals are my favorite time of the day! This morning I watched some TV, cut out some laminated stuff for school, and watched some TV. G made me a waffle (well the frozen kind you put in the toaster- but still yummy) for breakfast, a pb&j with Cheetos for lunch, and he is grilling burgers for dinner! I basically can't wait! We watched Varsity Blues earlier because clearly that movie can put anyone in a good mood, and I'm still deciding what to watch later. I accidentally took a 3 hour nap, which isn't good because I could have some difficulty sleeping tonight. But the progesterone keeps me kinda tired so maybe I will be fine. As I type G is cleaning the house! He is so great! Since I started FSH they said no heavy lifting which included the vacuum..so the house is a little dirty! I am glad that bed-rest is over tomorrow, and I have a doctors appointment so I get to leave the house! My progesterone shot was hurting so bad I wasn't able to sleep. The nurse said it could be because I was giving it myself. G's mom gave it last night (because he was at his football meeting- story of my life until December) and it doesn't really hurt at all today. Glad that problem was solved. I have to be back at work next Wednesday..ugh. But glad that it will keep my mind off the waiting a little bit.

Transfer Day!

Not really sure if I just posted an emtpy blog...my comp freaked out! Anyway, we had the transfer at about 10 this morning. We got there at 9, got in our scrubs and gown, took my Valium and just waited. The valium was a fun experience! I was totally in my happy place. The embryologist came in and showed us the embryo they planned to transfer. He said they recommended 1 but would 2 if that is what I wanted. I wanted two. Its just difficult to go through all this and think that you only have one chance. I feel better with two chances. The process didn't take but about 15 minutes, and really no pain. I am a little crampy now, but I figure that is expected. I am on bedrest today and tomorrow so just laying on the couch for me! I am just thinking good thoughts and hoping these babies like me, and latch on for 9 months! They were able to freeze 3 embryos today and would check in the morning to see if they could freeze anymore. I am happy with three! That gives us a good number if we want to do it again. Here are some pictures of our embryos and me and G in our surgery gear!

Transfew

Day 2 embryos

We are on track for a day 5 transfer on Monday at 9am! It was supposed to be at 1130, but they just called and asked if we could be there at 9 instead. My voice mail today said that we had 3 grade A embryos and 1 grade B. I'm not sure if they continue to grow or what, but I am happy with that number at this point. Hopefully some of the others will catch up by Monday. I am used to hearing from them everyday, but I have to wait until Monday to see how they are doing so I'll just keep praying they grow like they are supposed to!

I started my progesterone shot on Wednesday. OUCH! It goes in the hip/butt. Doesn't really hurt when it first goes in, but give it about 30 minutes and my butt is on fire. It feels like a charlie horse that never goes away.

Yay for my embryos!

Just called my voice mail box to check on my embryos today. They got 16 eggs yesterday in retrieval. They did ICSI (due to G's low sperm count, they have to actually put the sperm in the egg instead of letting it go through itself in the dish) on 14 eggs, and 12 fertilized! I hope that they continue to grow into healthy little embryos before Monday when they go back in to make their home for 9 months!

Retrieval

Had my retrieval at 1015 this morning. Its 500 in the afternoon, and I finally might be awake. I came home and ate some lunch because I had to take an antibiotic that you cant take on an empty stomach. After that, I have been snoozing big time. They said there might be some stomach cramping like period cramps. My stomach really hasn't hurt that bad. It has hurt for the last week from the eggs so that's about what it feels like still. It hurts a little worse when I get up and walk around. I told G that the worse pain I am having is from the IV in my hand. My hand is so sore, but she had a hard time getting a vein she could put it in. As for the retrieval, we went in at 915. Got into a hospital gown that completely didn't fit, and one of those little hats to cover my hair. My room was freezing so my fingernails were purple. They told me to bring socks, so I was glad I did that. Next, they came in and put in my IV of fluids. I laid in there for awhile, they made me pee twice. About an hour later two ladies came in and gave me some meds that "would make me not care". Effective. I remember then rolling me down to retrieval and putting me on the OR bed...then gone. I woke back up in the room. G says I was talking crazy, but I don't remember any of that. Laid there for about 45 minutes and then had to get up and go to the bathroom. Also, an interesting experience. Got my IV out, got my clothes on, and they wheeled me down to the car. I was good and awake by that point. We stopped at subway to get me some lunch and at the pharmacy to get Valium filled for transfer day on Monday. They got 16 eggs out today. I feel really good about that. They say that about half of those are good, and about half of that will fertilize at the best state. So keeping my fingers crossed for my little embryos as they grow over the next few days! Here are some pictures from today.

Getting Close!

We are finally getting close to retrieval and transfer day! Yesterday was a little crazy. I had an in-service at 830 in Coopertown, had a doctors appointment in Nashville at 1100, back to Coopertown to finish up my in-service, to school to get my class roll, home for like 10 minutes, girls prayer group, shot at 1115, bed at 100am. Whew! Normally G goes to my appointments with me, but since I was coming from my in-service I just went by myself yesterday. I had my usual blood work, and then an ultrasound just to check on my eggs. My voice mail box last night let me know that I was done with my FSH! I was very excited because my stomach was really starting to hurt and bruise! She also let me know that I would take my trigger shot at 1115 last night to get ready for my retrieval on Wednesday at 1015. Went back today just to do some blood work and then talk with an IVF nurse about what to expect tomorrow. My retrieval is at 1015. Have to be there at 915. No food or drink after midnight tonight. I figure I will be pretty out of it most of the day tomorrow. I don't really do well with any kind of procedure. Tomorrow, I will also start my progesterone shots. They are a fairly large needle that goes in the butt. Everything I have heard about them- no fun! G will have to give those, so I hope it goes smoothly! I will also start another steroid tomorrow and an antibiotic. The antibiotic will most likely make me sick, so I am prepared for that. After tomorrow I will call my voice mail box and check on the quality of my embryos everyday. The plan is to do the transfer on Monday the 25th. They really only wont to put 1 in due to my age, but I'm fighting for 2 :)

Last night I was so lucky to get to go to a prayer group with some awesome girls. A friend of mine went through IVF almost exactly a year ago. I think her transfer was the 27th! Anyway, she had a prayer time over her procedure last year, and she wanted to do the same for me. It was amazing the wonderful women of God that don't even know me, but do know how powerful prayer is and wanted to be there to pray for me. My mom and mom-in-law went with me. It was awesome to be surrounded by all that prayer, and it gave me some hope that things are going to work out for us! She has the cutest baby to show from her IVF :)

Ultrasound 2

Went in this morning for another ultrasound and estrogen level check. Mine was 700 something..whatever that means! To get results, they give you a voice mail box- which I think is genius- because you don't have to talk to anyone, and they don't have to spend all day trying to get a hold of people. Anyway, just checked mine and they said to keep on with my FSH, start Ganirilex tonight, and keep on with my steroid pill. I do that tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. Back to the office on Monday. The fun part about Monday is that I have an in-service from 830-330. Really don't want to make up those hours so I am going to go to my in-service, run to the doctor at 11, go back to in-service for the rest of the day. I hope no one notices that I am gone, but luckily some of it will be during lunch break. They are thinking my retrieval will be on Wednesday. Which would work out great because I am going to run out of FSH on Tuesday. The Ganirilex, which I haven't looked at yet, is to prevent ovulation. I think its a shot, but will have to go find it amongst all the other meds. My ovaries feel like they could explode at any moment. They feel very swollen. I will be glad when Wednesday gets here, and we have lots of eggs to get out!

Ultrasound 1

Went this morning for my 1st ultrasound to see how my eggs were doing. I have been taking my FSH, shot to help grow eggs, since Saturday. Went in this morning, did my usual blood work, and then on to the ultrasound. Its nice that the ultrasound tech is always the same lady. A LOT of people have seen more than necessary during this whole process! So anyway, she gave G a page to record some numbers. I am guessing it was the size or count of my eggs. Not real sure. I'm just glad that G was there because she was going really fast! I asked her if everything was fine because I was feeling some stuff going on. She said I should be feeling it, and will really be feeling it by this weekend. I was trying to explain to G what it felt like, and the best way to describe it is that my ovaries feel busy and full. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound, and then probably back on Monday. They should know when my retrieval will be on Monday. I have an in-service on Monday so maybe if I am not having my retrieval (which would be fine) its a quick appointment and I can still get to my in-service. I would hate to have to find six hours to make up, but if its retrieval day- I'd be fine with it!

Also on Monday, I have something really great happening. A friend of mine, who has a sweet baby boy from IVF last year, is hosting a girls prayer group that she has invited me to! I am so thankful for her! I know I have worn her out with questions, but I feel so lucky to have her for support through this.

On another note, I really am not good at doing unknown things for myself. I figure its because my mom, dad, boyfriends, or husband have done things for me my whole life. This being said, I was not able to give my shot to myself for the first few days, of course G did it! BUT, yesterday, I mixed up my meds myself and gave the shot! I was super proud of myself! I knew that G would be gone Friday night and Saturday night working a football game so I had to do then, might as well get used to it.

Have to be back to work August 3rd...ugh! Got my roll a few days ago. So far I only have 12 kids, oh how glorious that would be! However, I know it will be up to about 20 by the time school starts. I have to have my room ready by the 3rd since we have Open House that night. My room is pretty close, just a few more things to get out and organize. Also, I have got to put names on everything in the room. I am anxious to meet my new little ones!

First Shot

Well today was our first day for shots! Luckily I only have to do one at night. G mixed it up for me, and gave it to me. This one I take in the belly. I can't remember the last shot I had so I really wasn't mentally prepared. I have about the lowest tolerance for pain of any person I know..so everything hurts! It hurt, only for about 10 minutes and then I was fine. The bad part is, this is the little needle :( I also have to take a steroid orally. Can't really feel any side effects yet.

Today also started my no exercise. For a person that tries to do something at the gym everyday, this is going to be difficult. My nurse said don't do anything you would consider exercise and no lifting over 10 pounds. So I have some books ready and plan to do some reading over the next few weeks.

Along with all this, school starts August 3rd! I am soooooooo not ready.

Suppression Check

Well, today we went in for our first visit during our IVF cycle. They just want to make sure that everything is on track. I have been taking birth control for the last month, and it is supposed to suppress my ovaries. It did! The nurse had me all worried that it hadn't because I haven't started my period yet, but it worked. I told G, I surely feel suppressed. I haven't been on birth control in years, and I forgot how terrible it makes me feel. Glad that stage is over. G and I started our day with a walk. I am always anxious when we go to NFC so it was nice to relax this morning before we went in. I started with blood work- the nurse said I have to have blood work every time..yay! Then, I had an ultrasound to check out my ovaries. She said they looked great! Next, it was on to the trial transfer. This is just to make sure that they are prepared for everything on the day of the transfer. I figured there would be a few complications because there were with the HSG. Apparently my uterus doesn't "cooperate" and I have a narrow canal. I told G that a narrow canal sounds fun for delivering a child. So, she had to get a special utensil to help getting the cath through the canal. She said they would probably but a stitch in while I am under sedation to help with that on transfer day. After that she went back over how to take our injections that begin on Saturday. Luckily G will be here to help out! She gave me step by step instructions with pictures :) I got my voicemail box setup and we were on our way home! I go back on Wednesday and Friday of next week to check my estradodial levels. I think that is just to check and make sure I am growing enough eggs.

When we left the doctors office, we went over to see my aunt. She had a double mastectomy on Tuesday. She looked great! She was a little sore, but who wouldn't be! I was complaining to G the whole way there because my ovaries hurt from them poking around at them. Talk about reality check, she was handling it like a champ! We got news today that all her cancer was gotten in surgery, praise God!

Pharmacy Degree?

I think I need one! Here is a picture of all of my meds that came in the mail today. How I will EVER figure out how to take all of these is beyond me. Thank goodness I have the hubs, he is good at stuff like that. All of my papers that came said a doctor should be administering these..great!

Busy Week!

Not much going on with the IVF cycle. I am just taking my BC and going on with everyday life like normal. I will end my BC on July 4th and go in for my suppression check on July 7th. This is just to make sure I'm ready to start my FSH on Saturday. They will go back over how to administer those shots and do a trial transfer just to eliminate any unforeseen hold-ups on the actual day.

In the last several months it has been difficult to focus on anything but IVF, but these last few weeks have actually been relaxing just taking my meds and waiting. This week is busy for the hubs and I. Today is our 3 year anniversary! Of course, I would have an in-service this morning :( It was all about the new math series, which I was happy to learn about because it has a lot of awesome resources! We are headed to an afternoon movie in a little bit, I have two church league games, and then Blue Coast Burrito for dinner! We have already watched our wedding video, and I love it every year! Tomorrow, not too much going on but do need to start packing. Thursday, hubs birthday! Friday, Holiday World! Saturday, event with our insurance company. Sunday, leave for vacation! We are going on a cruise to Mexico! It is our third together, and we are so excited! I know its not for everyone, but we love it. I am very thankful for our time to just get away and relax before IVF really takes off, and I am worrying about it.

Its funny how God will put things in perspective for you. I have been so consumed with what is going on in my life, I almost forget to even care about anyone else. Right at that point, He will make you stop and think. I have an aunt who just found she has stage 0 breast cancer. Of course, no stage is good, but it is the best stage to be in. It just made me stop and realize that my problems are not all that is going on, and I am not the center of everyone's thoughts. Therefore, I don't need to be the center of my thoughts and prayers. I am anxious for her and her three girls. I know God answers prayer, and I know he has a plan for both of us!

Cycle Day 2

Is it bad that I am already sick on day 2? Oh, the story of my life. I figured it would be the case, I started a z-pak this morning (hubs and I both did). He was a little sick this morning from it. I have been sick all day. Blah. On a side note, teacher related, I have my administration test in the morning. I have to be there at 730am and its about 2 hours from my house. The best part will be the no traffic morning drive. I do pretty well in the morning, but will crash for a nap when I get home. This test is pretty big deal. Hubs and I are both taking it (not at the same place, that would have been too easy) and it will certify us to be principals one day. What this means, more pay! It was $375 to take the test, so I am really hoping for a passing score! I would be studying, but there is not really much to study. I took the practice test and did pretty well so I hope that is a good sign. I was going to wait a few years to take it, but the state is changing the guidelines and I will have to take more classes in the future. NOT what I want to do. I plan to teach for a few more years because I really enjoy it, and then maybe start to look for an assistant principal job, and eventually move to something on the district level. I mean how could you not love faces like these (a picture from my class last year..what cuties!)

Cycle Day 1

Well, today is Cycle Day 1 of my IVF Cycle! Wahoo! I am scheduled to start taking my birth control on Saturday, and we start our Z-paks tomorrow. Pretty much that is it for now. Of course as things go with me, there was a problem with the schedule. I was supposed to go in for my suppression check on June 30th, but I will be cruising to Mexico :) Sooo my wonderful IVF nurse pushed everything back a week for me! She is mailing me three extra birth control pills so I don't have to order a new pack. I love cooperative people! And I LOVE that I still get to go on my vacation. As soon as we get back it is full speed ahead with this process. My retrieval is scheduled for the week of July 18th and then the transfer is 3-5 days after that and then the wait to see if "we" made a baby!

IVF Class

Whew! What.a.day. We went to IVF class at 9 this morning and left about noon. I am continuously overwhelmed and overjoyed at how nice and caring the staff at NFC is. Every single person I have dealt with has been more than cooperative and helpful. We started this morning in a class with 5 other couples going through the process. By far, we were the youngest. By probably 10-15 years. Oh well. We met with the IVF nurse coordinator and she walked us through a PowerPoint on what all we should expect. The worst part was that I have to limit my exercise to just light walking once I get to a certain point, and no lifting weight over 10 pounds. The good part- no vacuum or laundry! The bad part- I'll probably gain 10 pounds. Oh well, I guess that is the beginning of sacrifices of being a mommy one day! Next we met with our IVF nurse. She was wonderful! She also happens to be a LU graduate so that was a nice connection to have. After meeting with her, we met with the financial person who gave us some options for paying for this all. On two teacher salaries, IVF isnt just in the budget :) Hubby has already contacted the people about the loan and if it goes through it will be to NFC in 48 hours! Wahoo! So..in the mix of writing this and doing a lot of other things..I started! So tomorrow, will be Cycle Day 1. I have to call my IVF nurse in the morning and let her know I started. I am so amazed at how God works things. I am actually about 5 days late. Anytime I have a schedule change- like off work for summer break it messes my cycle up. It actually turned out to be a blessing. If I had started last week I would be waiting until July sometime to even get started. That would push me into school starting and make getting off work and to the doctor difficult and stressful. Even if God didn't provide me with a baby the natural way, He is with me step by step through this unconventional way of doing it! I am anxious to see what He has in store for us.

Blood Work

I normally don't mind having blood drawn. Also, let me state that I am probably the worst person in dealing with medical situations. I don't do hospitals unless I HAVE to. I don't handle medical situations well. For example, when I had my wisdom teeth pulled- I missed a week of school..in my bed..on a lot of pain medication. Once, I had an in-grown toenail and I had to have the toenail removed..I couldn't wear shoes for several months..took a lot of pain medication..and barely lived through it..it still, four years later, hurts to touch. So I say all that to say, that going through all of this could be some what of a challenge to me. But, I'm in full steam ahead! Today, I had to blood drawn to test for infectious diseases before we begin HIV. The woman laid down 8 tubes that had to be filled. I immediately was in a panic. Good thing she draws blood a lot and it was fairly quick and I only got a little light headed when she first started! I guess I will be seeing her again quite a bit through this process..joy!

Summer Break!!

Oh it is finally summer break!! I feel like I have been anxiously waiting for this day for a looong time. I loved my kids this year, but they were a very active bunch and needed full time attention. It was exhausting. This is also the first summer since high school that I have not had school or work. I have been to the pool almost everyday so far, and am LOVING it! My day consists of morning workout at the Y, pool, nap, dinner, and whatever night activity we have going on. However, this summer, I also get to include many trips to NFC. That place is going to become my second home. I had a doctors appt today with my OB. Had to get a papsmear because I didn't have an up to date one. I told my husband, how many people are going to be my hooha before this process is over with. Its been several so far. Tomorrow I have an inservice, and Thursday its back to NFC for blood work! My doctor today asked what I was doing this summer and I said nothing- oh except for making a baby! :)

Paperwork.

Let the fun begin. As I am driving home, all I can think about is curling up on my couch for an afternoon nap. Its cold, dreary, and my kids have lost control of their lives, and I have two church league games tonight- so a nap was a must. As I barely gather the energy to check the mail, I am greeted at the mailbox by a large package from NFC. There must be 40 pages in there to read and fill out. Some of it included:
-personality traits- If I put hateful with they not let me do IVF..
-Every disease known to man and if anyone in your family has had it
-Education
-General medical background
...and SOOO much more.

I know that this is all necessary for what could be the cutest baby one day, but right now it is a lot. I hope I read it all and fill it out correctly!

"Trying to get pregnant is fun"

I titled this with quotes for a few reasons. A- everyone always said to me, just relax trying is the best part. (If you know someone trying to get pregnant, don't say that to them) B- I stopped having fun about month three. Maybe for my husband it was fun, but at about month three it was all ovulation kits and temperature taking and doctors and worrying. I think the only fun thing coming my way at this point is someone actually telling me I'm pregnant, or the humor in at all that I just have to look for. Wednesday, I had a procedure done to check and make sure my tubes were clear and uterus looked fine. It was like a pap smear times 100. They put a cath through your uterus which release iodine into your tubes. At the end of the cath is a balloon that blows up so that the iodine does not leak out. I thought I was going to die. One of my friends said the pressure probably feels like a contraction. I thought..great..because I almost got sick and could barely take the pain. I am such a wimp. So I immediately text my husband and said, trying to have a baby is so not fun.

IVF

We have made the decision to go with IVF. I am nervous, anxious, scared, and a little hopeful. We had the choice to do IVF or IUI (artificial insemination). However with the IUI, it would be donor sperm. We chose to do what we could to have a biological child. My husband has a part of his Y chromosome that is deleted you could say, and that part controls sperm. So, he has an incredibly low sperm count. We have been to NFC for two appointments so far, I know there are MANY more to come. We are now in waiting to meet with the IVF nurse. I am ready to get this rolling. I just read a blog of a girl I knew in high school. She just had a baby boy through IVF. She blogged her entire experience, and it was a lot. I know that it is just the sacrifice I will have to make to become a mother, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

On a side note, its almost summer :) 2 more weeks of school! I will be sad to see this group go, and it always scary to get a new group of little ones in August. They are just so little and confused :)

Anxiety or Hope?

Subs. I have blogged about my feelings for them before. If you get a good one, the kids and room appear as if you were there. If you get a bad one, never take the day off again. We will see how it goes. I am off tomorrow, and I have threatened the little ones to behave like angels. Ha. I am off tomorrow because my husband and I have a doctors appointment at the fertility clinic. Its a weird feeling of anxiety and hope. Anxiety over the fact the doctor could give us worse news than I already have, or hope that the doctor will give us better news than I could have hoped for. Its a big day that could actually give us some answers as to how we could one day have children..

An Unfortunate Bond

The older I get, the more I realize that people are placed in my life for specific reasons. The majority of the people that got me through the teen years of my life as my friends are no longer in my life. There were times when I was mad, confused, and resentful about that. Looking back, I know they helped form me, and then we went our separate ways to accomplish our goals. I truly believe that God knew that my husband was the person I needed to go through life with. So many things about him make up for lacking parts of me. So many aspects of his family are things that I didn't have growing up, and I am now able to enjoy them. I titled this "an unfortunate bond" because I feel like sometimes you are brought close to people in bad situations. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I can remember. We grew up together. I spent countless hours at her house. As adults, we kept in touch on occasions, but we didn't talk weekly or even monthly. We have been drawn together for reasons I wouldn't wish on anyone. Her and her husband have been dealing with infertility along with us. I have been praying for them daily as I pray for a baby in our lives. I often get discouraged because it isn't being answered for either of us. However, I know in my heart that when it does happen for them, I will be beyond happy! I know that one day our kids will play together- even if neither of us can have our own biological children the natural way.. our bond and struggles will make us great mothers when it happens for us!

Oh Monday.

What.a.day. Not only was it Monday, but we were under severe weather watches all day. We had to get out in the hallway in "tornado position" twice during the day. If you have never done this, its a lot. Its even more with 20 five year olds. However, they were perfect! No tears- really not even any cares about it. Some of them even enjoyed a nap while they sat there :)

Adding to my fabulous Monday was my "monthly visitor". For any of you who have tried to get pregnant and taken your temperature while trying, you know that it lets you know pretty good when you should start. So, I knew today would be the day- still doesn't make it any better. When we were first started trying, I would be in tears when I started. At this point, I am un-phased. Although my rational side knows that we can't get pregnant, its still hard not to think maybe this month it happened for us.

Teacher by Day..infertility researcher by night

I do firmly believe that God placed me in current job for a reason. At the time, I couldn't tell what that was except for money in our bank. I now truly believe it was to fill my heart with the love of a child. I don't have, or know if I will ever have, children of my own. However, everyday I have 19 who completely depend on me. My husband and I have been trying to grow our family since January 2010. We recently learned that we will have extreme difficulty naturally having a child. We are pursuing some infertility options. Thus being said, I spend my days with a whole class of children who love me, and come home longing to see another face- one that calls me mommy. I do have faith that God will answer our prayers, and one day we will have additions to our family.

Catching Up.

I always say I'm going to get back to this. We'll see. Its like twitter, I love it for all the information it gives me, but will never tweet myself. So we have approx. 8 weeks of school left, and that is 8 too many. The children are basically climbing the walls daily. I have been trying to really mix up what we are doing to keep them occupied. At this point in the year, they are telling me what we are supposed to be doing. With Kindergarten, they have basically learned all that they need to go to first grade. I am just working to get those who haven't quite got it yet to a better place for first grade. Another teacher and I have been digging through resources for fun new things to do. I introduced Sight word JENGA the other day, and the kids are begging to play it. I actually just finished putting together some new centers I hope to introduce tomorrow. The good thing about this part of the year is the weather! We are enjoying a long recess everyday after being inside all winter. There are a lot of things I love about this time of year. I love the way they can do everything for themselves. I love how much they have LEARNED. I love how easily things go because they just know how I like things. I love how they have learned what annoys me and they have tried to stop doing it- or some other kid will say "hey, she doesn't like that!" :) However for the good there is bad. I don't like how they are snappy with each other because they are tired of being together. I don't like how they wont to tell me how to do EVERYTHING. I don't like how they really aren't phased with pulling cards are missing recess. As these points in the year, I wish that I could tell them a Bible story, or talk about good friends in the Bible. So..since I can't...I found the next best thing- Rainbow Fish! We spent a whole week with activities from this story. It is such a great message of being a good friend. One thing we did was make fish, and write a word that describes being a good friend. I hung them on the wall and when I hear someone being unfriendly, we stop and talk about the fish. I will be sad when these kids leave me, we have all gotten close- and a lot of them have the sweetest personalities!!

Too Much Snow..

As beautiful is the snow is when it first falls, I am ready for spring! We have been to school 6 days since Christmas break began. Last week, we went a full day on Tuesday and Wednesday, a half day on Thursday, and snow day on Friday. Week before that it snowed on Sunday night and kept us out all week. When we went back last Tuesday, my kids had completely forgotten what they were doing. I mean who can blame them being that they were basically out of school for a month. Nonetheless we must press on. Just so happens when we went back it was time testing. This fell at the worst time. I hadn't had a chance to review skills, and they were just plain wild! There is snow in the forecast this week, but I hope it simply comes as rain. As I complain about the snow, and having to teach until June possibly- I try to remember those that don't get paid unless they work. School bus drivers, aids, crossing guard, and that is just school related- not any others that cant get to work. So as hateful as I would be about going in June, at least as I sit home on my snow days, I am still getting paid and I am thankful for that. I pray that we get to school for 5 straight days this week, and then I am sure I'll be ready for another snow day :)

Snow Day!

Well I am enjoying snow day number 3 for the year. I think we have 13 built in days, but I am not sure. Regardless, I am enjoying today. My husband teaches at another school and they are out today as well so that is nice! We are expected to get a few more inches tonight so I am thinking we will have at least one more day at home. Today we have been fairly lazy! Last year on our snow days we spent them doing homework for our Masters program..no fun! This year, we are just enjoying them! We slept late, had coffee, watched several episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, played on our new Droids and ate. The most effective thing we have done today is a kickbox workout and an ab workout we found on Demand. I go to the Y a lot, and that TV workout kicked my tail. We have chili in the crockpot to enjoy as we watch the National Championship. I cant cheer against the SEC so for tonight and tonight only..WAR EAGLE! (whatever that means)

Long time, No see!

Well, I noticed it had been since Sept 8, 2010 since I had a post. I had several family members ask where my blog was, my apologies on being a slacker! I created a facebook acocunt for my class, and I think that was taking over my extra online time. I am hoping to do a little better the second half of my semester. We have just recently started back to school getting in three days last week. Now, we are bracing for what could be the biggest snow we have had in a few years. It is expected to come in tonight and last until Tuesday. I teach in a rural county so we are out for several days following a winter system due to all the back roads. If this comes like they say, I could be out all week. As much as I enjoy a snow day or two..five is a lot. We have some testing coming up after MLK day and I want my kids to be prepared. It is also difficult to get them on track behaviorally when we are sporadically there. They basically had forgotten how to act when we came back last week. Luckily, my kids are significantly ahead of where my kids were at this point last year so I feel like the testing will go ok. I am actually starting to pull first grade material because they are getting bored. In happy news..I got a projector in my room!! I have used it for absolutely everything! They love playing games, seeing videos, watching me type..anything! It has made such a difference in what all I can do! Now, if I just had an ELMO! Well, again sorry for nothing to post in a while. I am going to do better!!