Anxiety or Hope?

Subs. I have blogged about my feelings for them before. If you get a good one, the kids and room appear as if you were there. If you get a bad one, never take the day off again. We will see how it goes. I am off tomorrow, and I have threatened the little ones to behave like angels. Ha. I am off tomorrow because my husband and I have a doctors appointment at the fertility clinic. Its a weird feeling of anxiety and hope. Anxiety over the fact the doctor could give us worse news than I already have, or hope that the doctor will give us better news than I could have hoped for. Its a big day that could actually give us some answers as to how we could one day have children..

An Unfortunate Bond

The older I get, the more I realize that people are placed in my life for specific reasons. The majority of the people that got me through the teen years of my life as my friends are no longer in my life. There were times when I was mad, confused, and resentful about that. Looking back, I know they helped form me, and then we went our separate ways to accomplish our goals. I truly believe that God knew that my husband was the person I needed to go through life with. So many things about him make up for lacking parts of me. So many aspects of his family are things that I didn't have growing up, and I am now able to enjoy them. I titled this "an unfortunate bond" because I feel like sometimes you are brought close to people in bad situations. I have a friend who I have been friends with since I can remember. We grew up together. I spent countless hours at her house. As adults, we kept in touch on occasions, but we didn't talk weekly or even monthly. We have been drawn together for reasons I wouldn't wish on anyone. Her and her husband have been dealing with infertility along with us. I have been praying for them daily as I pray for a baby in our lives. I often get discouraged because it isn't being answered for either of us. However, I know in my heart that when it does happen for them, I will be beyond happy! I know that one day our kids will play together- even if neither of us can have our own biological children the natural way.. our bond and struggles will make us great mothers when it happens for us!

Oh Monday.

What.a.day. Not only was it Monday, but we were under severe weather watches all day. We had to get out in the hallway in "tornado position" twice during the day. If you have never done this, its a lot. Its even more with 20 five year olds. However, they were perfect! No tears- really not even any cares about it. Some of them even enjoyed a nap while they sat there :)

Adding to my fabulous Monday was my "monthly visitor". For any of you who have tried to get pregnant and taken your temperature while trying, you know that it lets you know pretty good when you should start. So, I knew today would be the day- still doesn't make it any better. When we were first started trying, I would be in tears when I started. At this point, I am un-phased. Although my rational side knows that we can't get pregnant, its still hard not to think maybe this month it happened for us.